New and Exciting Winds Sure Are A Blowin'

After a VERY busy week here is an update on where I am and what I've discovered about me to my own amazement!  I've been pushing the bar this week trying things I've never tried, reading things I've never read, and overcoming deeply ingrained fears...like I said, It's been a busy week.

Last week I decided to give photography a whirl.  It has always been a medium I have admired, but never one I thought I would be any good at.  So with my trusty Fuji by my side I began to shoot anything that would stand still this week. After many attempts (68 to be exact) and two brand new AA batteries drained within a couple days time, I came up with 7 exposures which I believe although amateur are in my opinion pretty darn good so I have created a page to house my digital photography.  The link is the the tabs bar up top if your interested in checking it out.

In other news I overcame a DEEPSET fear that I have had since childhood...speaking/performing in public.  Believe it or not folks, I got up on the platform in front of our entire church body and sang a solo.  Yes Me!  I Did That!  My hands were sweating my stomach was hurting, but I did it!  And I'd Do It Again.  I sang Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood, I learned it in two days and nobody booed.  I mean yeah I know it's church and people aren't likely to boo, but I had a couple people compliment me on it and so, even if they were just being nice, doesn't change anything: cause I did something I could never do before...and that's all that matters.

I also went to the local library this week and checked out three books (classics) that I've never read.  The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines and a compilation of works by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  I haven't started the first two yet, but I am half way through Longfellow, having just finished Evangeline: how beautiful, sad and amazingly well written, the prose flowing and ebbing like waves crashing against the Acadian shoreline.  I've always been a fan of poetry, especially epic and pastoral poetry, but never found myself with Longfellow, hand in hand...but, lo and behold; here I am, there he was and I have fallen in love.  His unclassical metre fuels me to read more and his dramatic choice of vocabulary drives me on.  Ah...This is the forest primeval.  Come on, who wouldn't love that! My two favorite short poems so far are The Wreck of the Hesperus and Sandalphon.  If you have never read either of these I will be including them in a page on my favorite literature (keep an eye out for it).  I will do a brief review of each new book I try out on that page as well.

I've also discovered some new things about myself this past week or so:  I absolutely love pink lemonade (to the exclusion of all other drinks, except for maybe green tea) and I don't really like meat.  Beef, Chicken, Fish, Pork, etc. I can really do without it, so I'm going to.  I'm saying farewell carnivorous beasts, Hello New Vegetarian Me!  Why eat it if I don't really like it?  Exactly!  I'm also going to start going for a walk every evening with my camera (Hello, Duracell stock, I need to by you up).

For those of you who don't know, I have a tattoo...I got this tattoo when I was doing thoughtless stuff to fit in with thoughtless people.  I do not like this tattoo not because it's not a great piece of art work, (the guy who did it, did an awesome job with still vibrant colors after many years) but because people wanna put me in a stereotypical box because of it, because small children walk up to me and say "Oh, How pretty" and I wanna cringe because I don't wanna be an influence in that direction for them, because I am no longer the person who put this permanent piece of history on a VERY visible portion of my anatomy and because I don't want outside influences and appearances to define me anymore.  So, therefore, I have decided that until I can either A. Get it surgically removed or B. Learn to live with it (unlikely, but you never know it may one day become a non issue) I am going to cover it up - bandage, tattoo cover up or something.  I don't want to constantly be reminded of who I use to be and the mistakes that I use to make.  My God says that I am made new...and the new me...doesn't have tattoos.  No offense meant to anyone who has them or wants them, this is just my personal choice for me.

I have also decided that I'm not wearing make-up anymore either.  Oh, now, don't get your knickers in a twist (ha ha I love that saying) I'm not condemning anyone who wears makeup, I'm just tired of it.  I like the way I look without makeup...wow...that statement has been a long time coming, but I can say it now in all honesty and I don't feel I need to hide behind a mask to impress anyone anymore.  I'm also not dyeing my hair anymore or cutting it.  I have not seen my natural hair color since the eighth grade (that's like 15 years for those of you who don't wanna do the math), and I'm not entirely sure what color my hair is.  Huh, that's kinda interesting.  Guess I'm in for a surprise in couple months...I'll let you know what color it is when I finally find out!  I've always wanted long hair and always ended cutting it off when I was upset about something (it was something I could control when I felt my life was out of control-it may seem silly to you, but it didn't to me at the time) so I am going to let it grow out, and it will be there as a symbolic reminder not to let my emotions control my actions.

So, that was my update. Check back soon for another illuminating post on my new adventure: Life.
Come on my journey with me, while I weed out the mimicry from the Elementally Me.

Seeing Through New Eyes

I've spent most of my life being whoever the people around me wanted me to be...filling their mold so completely, so expertly that they didn't even realize that wasn't who I really am.  I've always had some sort of guideline to go by some image someone else created for me to become, until now.  There is no longer an external expectation waiting for my chameleon-esque expertise.  This has been an interesting year full of extreme highs and lows that have brought me back to an empty slate.  I've stood up for myself, against myself, against what had become easy, normal, second nature and finally shouted STOP!  THAT'S NOT ME, THAT'S NOT WHO I WANT TO BE!  and the pretenses fell away...beautiful happy ending all is well now, right? 

Unexpected twist: enter stage left.

See I've been somebody else for so long that what I really am is a mystery to me. So when I stopped letting others define me, I was left with nothing but questions.  I spent a couple months just reeling in the wind not sure what to do, how to act, who to be...then I realized:  I can be whoever I want to be.  I've been looking around today and everything seems so much more vibrant, so alive, so REAL.  I'm making changes - small ones, big ones, in between ones.  I'm going all the way back to the basics, to the fundamentals, the bare bones basics of what make me - me.  So come along for the ride and get to know me for the first time...I am.  I'm reanalyzing everything I've ever liked, ever thought, ever read, ever tasted, ever believed and documenting it here on this blog to weed out the mimicry from the Elementally Me.